A Breakthrough!

It has been quite a while since my last post.  To say things have been hectic is quite possibly the largest understatement of my blogging history.

That said, I am gearing up to restart my blogging because I am feeling the urge to muse about life and religion.  The Christian faith has entered its season of Lent, which are the ~40 days leading up to Easter Sunday (it’s technically a couple days more than 40, but, these 40 days leading up to Easter are symbolic of the 40 days Jesus spent in the desert).  

My goal, at this point, is to post something on my blog each week during Lent.  It may not be a lot, but I hope it will allow me to get my creative juices flowing again, and maybe it will help me process through all the topics running through my mind.

Currently, I am helping lead a women’s group at a local military chapel.  I am responsible for facilitating and leading the discussions centered on our current book. In addition to trying to stay on top of that, I am also wanting to read 4-5 spiritually related books (have technically started 2 of them).  And, I am currently in a Bible study at my local civilian parish, studying the Book of Ephesians.

So, I have a lot of thoughts running through my head.  And, because Soldier Boy is off playing Army, I have nobody to discuss what I think are the most enlightened thoughts I have ever had!  Okay, perhaps they may not be enlightened, but, I think they are exciting.  And, because I am excited, I want to share the excitement!

Lately, this first week of Lent, I keep being drawn to passages – in the Bible, in the Catechism of the Catholic Church, in spiritually based readings (several books) that remind me that I can do nothing without God.  And, in order for me to fully harness my potential (for lack of a better phrase), I need to “let go, and let God” – I need to acknowledge that with God, I can move mountains.

That thought just fills me with hope and excitement.  I am not going to say that my life has not been, and is not without challenges; I also won’t say that I won’t face challenges going forward, either.  However, I will acknowledge that even as I face challenges, I can meet them head-on, knowing that I can trust in God’s mercy and grace.  That my trust in God will get me through whatever challenges I may encounter.

For a long time, I feel I have been “going through the motions” as a Catholic, and not quite feeling God’s presence, or, quite frankly, feeling anything toward God.  I have felt apathetic when it comes to God.  And, only in the past week have I begun to really break through the feeling of dispassion.

The more I think about it, the more I wonder if the feeling of apathy is because I have been neglecting my personal relationship with God.  I have been seeing God through the rubrics of “religion” – that, “to know God, I have to jump through these hoops, and do everything as is written down in a preset manual.”  Mind you, nobody has told me that is the way I should be viewing the relationship.  Honestly, I have heard with my ears, but failed to feel it with my heart, the complete opposite while in church.

However, in looking at my spirituality and how it applies directly toward my personal relationship with God, I noticed tonight that I am on fire!  I want to share my enthusiasm of my “faith” – my personal set of beliefs, the spirituality within myself.  

I realized tonight, as I was driving home from the Bible study I am attending that, outside of my Catholicism, I have a trust and a value system deeply rooted in my relationship with God.  And, perhaps, as I begin to delve deeper into my personal relationship with God, instead of focusing on the list of “you must do this, or that” to be a “good” follower of God, and Jesus Christ, quite possibly the feelings of apathy will dissipate.

Quite simply, I have been praying for quite some time for this breakthrough – to just feel something.

I feel as though I want to reach a more intimate level with God.  As I do that, I have faith I will also be able to actualize a stronger connection with those around me – starting with my soldier boy and man cub!!

And, I feel my passion returning…!

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