I love my children. They are the beauty and joy of my day.
They are also sometimes the ones that make me want to run away – back to work, or just away in general!
Because, let’s face it, staying home can be a demanding gig, like any other choice upon which expectations of you may be placed.
I was recently “touched out.” At the end of a day, I had been asked for enough things by one child, demanded to be held by another child, cleaned the house, cooked the dinner, that I was “touched out.” The last thing I needed, or desired, was to have any other physical or emotional contact with anyone the rest of the day.
As I watched my anger level rise over the stupidest things, I realized I needed a time out. I needed to get away from demanding hands, and I needed to take a minute. But, I didn’t want to drive anywhere – partly because it was already nearing 8 PM, and almost everything where we live closes at 8 PM.
So, I looked at my husband and grumpily said, “I need a shower. You watch the kids for me, so I can have a shower.” It wasn’t a request, it was a demand.
I took my shower and spent a glorious 15 minutes hidden away in the shower. Before I entered the shower, my preschooler attempted to come in to see me, and quickly retreated when I informed him he needed a diaper change. I turned my music up as loud as it would play on my iPhone, jumped in the shower, and really spent a few songs focusing on the songs I was singing, and on me.
When I got out of the shower, I felt like a brand new woman.
The next morning, I started thinking about my behavior the previous evening. I was not a happy wife, happy mom.
Instead, I was close to a demon possessed – which is saying something because demons are already possessed. I would liken my behavior to a rabid animal – which would probably explain the wild eyed “sure, go for it,” my husband threw at me when I demanded my shower.
It was a wife/mommy failure on my part, and I own it.
The other night wasn’t a one-off night, either; this has happened several times this move – more times than I care to admit. Many times it is because I have failed to communicate my needs to my husband.
What else struck me, as I pondered how everything transpired, is how God provides me with the perfect example of patience.
How frequently do I bend His ear? How frequently does He listen to me – praising Him, questioning Him, talking to Him? Then, I look around at all the faithful who acknowledge Him – some people on a daily basis, others on a less frequent basis. And, I wonder, in the words of Alanis Morissette, “what if God were one of us?” Would He get “touched out”? We know Jesus went to pray by Himself several times, sometimes for lengthy periods. But, what about God, the Father?
So, perhaps, before I start scaling the walls in the future, I can look toward the perfect example of grace, patience, and love.
Because God is never off the clock!